I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
