He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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