You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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