I need help removing her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
