cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
