he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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