i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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