im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
