On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
