I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
