I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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