i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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