Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
