i wish my penis had a tongue
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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