ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
