Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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