so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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