You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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