Kiss
Puke
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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