I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
