see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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