sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
