i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
