so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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