The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
