porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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