Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
