OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
