there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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