he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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