You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
please come you make the beer taste better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
