come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
