am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation