Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
