We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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