I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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