He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
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