i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
