I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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