im six kinds of drunk right now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
