Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
