so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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