My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
