I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
