Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
