I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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