I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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