The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
