I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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