Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
