I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
