she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
