i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.