This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.