ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents