Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss