I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.