I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.