I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.