I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.