you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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