so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
