I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
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So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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