Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
