Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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