Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
