Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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