Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
