we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
