he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
