Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
