It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
