'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
