I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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