yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
