put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
