Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
