I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
