how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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