Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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