But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
