she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
