i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
