Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
